I’ll start by saying that I have been the sole person responsible for preparing every dish, including the turkey and sides, for the past 27 years.
I have also prepared 100% of the food for every other holiday dinner. While I don’t mind cooking, I do struggle with keeping everything hot and ready at the same time since I’ve never relied on anyone else to bring anything. As everyone knows, preparing a full holiday dinner takes the entire day. I’m not a bad cook, and I feel like my biggest challenge is simply making sure everything comes out piping hot. There are several rounds of dishes to wash afterward, but even that doesn’t bother me.
My daughter and her fiancé, who are both in their mid-20s, moved into a new home back in August. They have a beautiful, brand-new kitchen, and my daughter mentioned that she wanted to host Thanksgiving there this year to show off her new home. Sounds great, right?
My husband then informed me that although she still planned to host, she would be spending the entire day at her fiancé’s family gathering. That meant she wouldn’t be home or available to cook in her brand-new kitchen. As a result, I was told that I would still be responsible for preparing 100% of the food.
However, this year, I’m also expected to pack everything up, clean my own kitchen, keep all the food hot, drive across town, carry everything up three flights of stairs, and then serve the entire meal at her house.
I told my husband that I didn’t mind making half the dishes or even preparing the turkey, but expecting me to cook an entire dinner in my kitchen and transport everything to another house seemed impractical. I could simply prepare the meal and serve it at my own home instead.
I tried suggesting several compromises. One idea was to store some of the dishes at my daughter’s house the day before. Another was for my daughter to prepare two or three items herself so I wouldn’t have to transport quite so much food.
None of these suggestions seemed acceptable to my husband.
He then threatened me, swore at me, and attempted to cancel the entire holiday altogether. After that, he called my daughter and tried to manipulate the situation by telling her that I “must not care about her new house.”
I care about her very much, and I’m genuinely excited for her and her new home. However, it doesn’t really feel like she’s hosting when I’m being expected to prepare absolutely everything and then transport the entire meal to her house.
As I mentioned, I’m perfectly willing to prepare half or even two-thirds of the dishes. The problem is that what has always been a tremendous amount of work is now turning into even more work, when I thought I might finally have a slightly easier year.
My husband refuses to compromise. According to him, these are “his rules,” and every flexible suggestion I make is met with profanity, name-calling, and outright contempt.
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